I walked into Vlad’s office this afternoon, face streaked navy blue with tears and eyeliner, tissue ready in hand. He told me to go home – I could get my hours in later. Bless that boy.
I’m alright, I really am. My world is just teeter-tottering on the edge of academic, financial, and emotional chaos, is all. Believe me, it sounds worse than it actually is. Emotion is my middle name – tears are almost vital to my existence.
I was talking to JoAnna about today – right after I lost it and started sobbing in her room. I see it like this: I used to be really bitter. I used to be skeptical of people and their intentions, and had a pretty ominous looking wall set up against all persons who might be capable of wounding me further. God is the Healer – He is healing me of that. I acknowledge this. What I didn’t figure in were the consequences of such a catharsis. When you unplug your finger from the hole in the dam, the flood breaks the whole thing down. My bitterness was the finger in the hole.
I am happier than I have ever been (eerrr… that I can remember), and sadder, and angrier. I can feel again, praise the Lord. I can feel it all. It’s just that missing Jonathan is the hardest thing to feel.
Wahhhh wah, Angie. Yeah, I know. I’ll stop. Really this is a good thing. But boy, do I miss him.
Anyways, these last few weeks have been rediculous and zany and moody, but so so sweet. Family, German food, Apples, friends, autoharp, new hair, gettin’ stuff DONE, moving on…. all good things, all in good time. Howsabout sum pichurz.
mmmm… this makes me happier then you can understand. I have been listening to talk after talk about identity and who we are in God and how freaking awesome we all are… and all I can think about is how I want you to know how awesome you are! and how awesome God thinks you are! You are his love… more then I can even delight in you he takes so much joy in your creativity and faithfulness! Speaking of joy, I hope that it finds you and you can remember that when the crap hits the fan to count it as joy that is God is testing your FAITH! remeber that God love sto promote us and give us more and when we have the faith to pass the trial then we are given more favor… and I can’t think of anything better then that.
ok, done! I love you my dear! I miss you more then I can express. sometimes I sit and look at the people around me and I get this feeling that everything is great, but that there is a very vital thing missing. That vital part is you. If I am the mountains then you are the sky that fills my valleys. Where I am lacking you are strong. So I hope that this message finds you in better spirits. Turn to God cause he really is the answer to all things!